#1 The Blowout

too many douchebagsThere is something particularly obnoxious about the Blowout haircut. I’m not sure if it’s the sheer volume of hair gel required, the smugness of the person wearing it, or the potential safety risk of all those greasy spikes, but The Blowout strives to place itself in the upper echelon of douchebaggery.

As far as hair styles go, it is a neck-and-[red]neck rival to the Mullet in both hateability and trashiness. But the Blowout is not a lame duck. It possesses a unique trait unlike any other haircut: the ability to make it’s wearer unneccessarily aggressive and cocky.

In fact, if you see a blowout haircut, be readily prepared to answer one of these questions: “What are you looking at?”, “You wanna fight about it?”, or “Did you bring the Heinekens?”

Blow yourselfIf you live around New Jersey or Long Island, this is certainly not news to you. You’ve seen the Blowout everywhere. In da clubs, at the grocery store, hitting on your girlfriend. It’s almost impossible to escape it’s greasy grips.

If you’re an attractive female, you will be the unrelinquished apple of the Blowout’s eye. Unless you reject their advances; then you will become a skank.

And as you can see above, the Blowout typically travels in packs. Usually with a Heineken mini-keg. Just in case they need to get shitfaced.

They are also known as “Guidos“, “Jerseyites“, or “Gel Junkies” by the masses, and typically go to get their chest waxed in large groups. So that they can hold eachothers hands to fight through the pain. But, as any Blowout will tell you, pain is good. It attracts the skanks.
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Also Known As: The Hedgehog, The Heineken Haircut, Grease Junkies, Yager Bombed Hairdo, Guido Gellin’, The “Dare to Have Gay Hair” Guy
Related: The Fake Tan, The Double-Popped D-Bag, The Pencil Chinstrap

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6 Comments

Filed under douche, face, guidos, haircuts, new jersey, rich people

6 responses to “#1 The Blowout

  1. roflmao.

    Now I regreat what I said.

    Fake tan people are not the most stupid on earth.

    Fake tan with The blowout haircut are.

    omfg, cant believe this kind of human actually exist. They need a doctor for real.

  2. SHANE!

    Ughs thats wat my hair looks like naturally DAM THE WORLD!

  3. J

    Yo guys… my friends decided it would be hilarious to bring me to a barber and get me a blowout then buy some flashy dress shirts and hit this club Karma near WVU… it was a funny ass nice but the joke is on me because I look way better with the Blowout then with my old normal hair cut. You should go to your barber and ask them for a Blowout… don’t disrespect the hair unless you have tried it… you might even look good and pick up a skank! haha

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