#7 The Pencil Chinstrap

the thin line between facial hair and gaycial hair.

The Pencil Chinstrap is the thin line between facial hair and gaycial hair. It’s beard meets Etch-A-Sketch. A matte frame around a meaty face.

You see, the regular chinstrap is not enough. It’s way too thick and not nearly as abrasive. For people like Pencil Chinstraps, that facial hair needs to be chiseled down. Into a barely visible, dainty line.

After all, this is not facial hair we’re talking about. This is art. Linear, mathematical douchebag art. While other men are out drinking beer, the Chinstrapper will spend hours measuring, and remeasuring. Use of a protractor is essential.

more chinsIt must be right angles at the jaw line. The sideburn area must be polished clean. The line must be as thin as possible. If they could get it down to one hair follicle in diameter, they would. In fact, they have a bunch of Guidos in a lab working on that science as we speak.

The Pencil Chinstrap will often be combined with The Blowout, The Fake Tan, and steroid use. Headbands and straight-brimmed hats are optional. Depending on how close you get to New Jersey or Long Island, combinations may become more and more extreme.

In rare instances, you may see a makeshift Pencil Chinstrap drawn on with an Eyeliner Pencil. This may occur when a Pencil Chinstrapper commits “the cardinal sin” — or for the layman, when they screw up in the shaving process, and break the line. In such situations, the burning desire for a thin line of facial hair may cause a man to act irrationally, and use makeup.

The Pencil Chinstrap is the final frontier for the meathead. They’ve conquered muscles, skanks, tight shirts…and now beards.
Also Known As: The Man’s Eyeliner, The Thin Chin Wrap, Guido Gold, The Mason/Douchebag Line, Thin Tin Tin, The Redneck U
Related: The Blowout, The Fake Tan, The Double-Popped D-Bag



Filed under friends, guidos, haircuts, new jersey

12 responses to “#7 The Pencil Chinstrap

  1. PoppaCap

    wow, this shit is hilarious

  2. grandeurliving

    what did he use? an eyeliner? i never saw anything like this.

  3. steve0

    That “pencil chinstrap” hair photo at the top is way to thick!!! It freakin looks retarded you gotta keep shaving that hairline for hours, trust me I know.

  4. hahahaahahahhahahahaha

    This is like having a banner on your front saying “I’m an idiot”

    He should even look smarter painting Hitler moustache, what an ass

  5. insAnum

    Oh dear fucking GOD! NO!!! Apparently all of that fag’s money was spent on make-up, tweezers and hair gel as he obviously can’t afford to buy a mirror.

  6. bender

    linear algebra is my favourite form of math and i’m offended that you’re using it to describe guidos. i think you need to retract that statement

  7. Joey

    “Pencil chinstrap” LOL. That’s so typical of an ignoranus (stupid asshole). I would never do this to myself because it’s just gay, which I am not

  8. im sorry but is that kid with that blow out at the top of the page wearing like a lip gloss or a lip stick???? FAG!

  9. Great one! I agree about the chinstraps, so not cool.

  10. Peter

    Man, you a funny bastard. LOL.

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