#11 The Fake Boob

Suck on that
There’s nothing like two silicon implants of self-confidence. For the Fake Boob, that’s what it’s all about: implanting attention.

Much like Hoodini, the Fake Boob will disappear for a brief moment, then miraculously reappear with a set of rockin’ tits. Bigger ones.

Flaunting is critical to the Fake Boob. In order to feel that they’ve “gotten their money’s worth”, they will show, flash, and lotion those mammary mountains like it was going out of style. Their wardrobe must be as chest-heavy as possible. Those now-huge knockers must be shoved and squeezed into the smallest clothing possible. If it can be arranged, doll clothes are a plus.

The Fake Boob is driven by the concept of “bigger is better”. The mere thought of bigger boobs gets their nipples hard. By increasing the bust size, they increase their life. Happiness, wealth — all their problems will be transplanted away. This is known as the “old titty fix”.

All NaturalOccasionally, the Fake Boob may loose their mind, and inflate their breast size to abnormal proportions. Like these martian balloons to the left. It’s a mental lapse known by Doctors as “biggitittyitus”.

And while men may oggle over the Fake Boob’s iconic spheres, they are still fake. You’re not really fooling anyone. When said funbags start to sag, the Fake Boob is then faced with a whole new set of Old Fake Boob problems.

You can find the Fake Boob concentrated in Los Angeles, on porn stars, and scattered throughout other major cities. The Fake Boob will more than likely be attracted to other fake things, such as the Fake Tan, the Fake Friend, and in horrific circumstances, The Blowout.

So if your friend goes to the supermarket and comes back with a fresh batch of confidence and two cantaloupes under her shirt, be wary. She may have just become a Fake Boob. (And you may have just scored front row seats to a titty show. No dollar bills required.)
________
Also Known As: The Funbag Fix, Silicon Confidence, Major Boobage, The “Eyes Down Here” Girl, The Titty Transformer, The “Notice Something Different?” Dame, Boobing For Compliments, Metamorphatits

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10 Comments

Filed under body, clothes, entertainment, idiot accessories, los angeles, new york city, rich people, sex

10 responses to “#11 The Fake Boob

  1. DonkEpunch

    haha this is one idiot ill live with

  2. juggo

    What a boner killer

  3. cleudson

    im from brazil. your blog is awesome. congratulations.

  4. I hate people with implants but my dick loves em.

    WHAT CAN I DO? Brain vs Dick, the usual fight.

  5. You got the number for the girl who owns the first set of tits?? I know I haven’t seen her face, but it doesn’t matter. Do the right thing and send the digits.

  6. happy

    fake breasts are not appealing and they are no fun and they have no appeal to me you cannot beat a real set of breasts if you want plastic buy a doll

  7. Kat

    Hehe, I’m just gonna keep posting what I think until my IP address gets blocked :p

    So do you guys seriously only allow comments which practically back the articles? No negative criticism is allowed? Bummer.

    Oh well, when you actually get to High School maybe you’ll stop throwing the dummy out of the pram and let people post their opinions.

  8. Hey guys…
    Fake boobs are lovely and beautiful, and Kat and Ali, I love you guys if you have grate fake boobs, I love you ladies and i will play with you till the world ends.

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