The most recent trend in the slipping of white guys comes in the form of their wardrobe — more specifically, the t-shirt. Like a billboard selling books to the illiterate, the Blatant Joke T-shirt Guy will print his stupidity front and center, for all to see.
The Blatant T-shirt Guy is the ultimate cheat in the game of hitting on women. Much like a cokehead, they use outside resources in order to socially function. They disregard all wit or thought, putting their faith solely in the hands of a cotton XL. Such insecurity and heavy reliance on fashion should correlate solely to women, not to men. We’ll stick to buying drinks and quoting Anchorman.
Likethe Emo Kid, the Blatant T-shirt Guy gets no respect. I mean, has anyone respected comedians Gallagher or Carrot Top? Absolutely not. They’re the butt of many jokes, not because of their freakish mutant appearance but because they’re prop comedians. Plain and simple. They rely on a treasure chest of stuffed animals and toys rather than their own creativity.
And this is no different from the Blatant Joke T-Shirt Guy. He too garners attention through obvious jokes and a lack of originality. Except instead of tie with a bow on it (get it? Tae-Bo!), he has a t-shirt that says “Chick Magnet“. In romantic terms, the T-shirt Guy is a less-shady date rapist — only the GHB is substituted for Urban Outfitters.
Any smart female should see through this facade and understand that “The Man/The Legend” (above) is wearing his personality on his sleeve, or in this case, his chest. If he’s going to wear that shirt, he should be holding a sign that says, “I’m a Bitchass,” as this would be more fitting, and frankly, would make everyone happier.
You can find the Blatant Joke T-Shirt Guy all over the nation, gaining acceptance in Middle America before introducing his horrid existence to the rest of the country (not unlike Jason Mraz). In recent years, this sub-sect of suburbia has received an excessive amount of press due to their mascot, goofy bastard extraordinaire, Ashton Kutcher. Suffice to say, white people were much better off when Footloose was released in movie theatres.
By Scott Glock-Holder
Also Known As: The Tarded T, The Clothing Comic, Guy Wonderbread, The “Please Lay Me” Virgin, The “I Bought My Individuality On Clearance” Guy