The Smeller is a notorious, shit-stinking beast. Like a the body of a prostitute, they carry with them an assortment of smells unknown to the clean human palate. Moth balls, woodchips, taco meat, grandma…you name it. If it’s a foul stench, the Smeller will absorb it like a sponge and bring it to your nostrils.
A key trait of the Smeller is their ability to not smell themself. They go about their daily lives in a blind stupor, oblivious — carrying around stink like a monkey.
Yet, the Smeller is unique in their stankdom. They won’t look dirty. And they’re not homeless. So is it that they just naturally smell like a jock strap? Or do they simply not wash their clothes? Did they just roll around in a pile of cow shit? Or did they actually steal their wardrobe from their grandfather’s attic?
There are a million questions, and unfortunately, no answers. The only real question you can answer is “Who brought the Smeller?”
One things for sure, it wasn’t you. And such is the curse of the Smeller. They will show up unexpectedly, attacking your senses like a rapist. The Smeller is typically a co-worker or, more often, a peripheral acquaintance — a friend of a friend that somehow loves hanging out with you.
If you find yourself in close quarters with the Smeller, don’t panic. Simply look them in the eyes and say “You smell like taint.” That should be sufficient to scare them away. If it doesn’t, just start smelling your fingers and pray for the apocalypse.
Also Known As: Grandma’s Closet, The Living Trashcan, The Stank, Shit’s Creek, Pigpen, Who Invited Stinky?, Ethan’s Surprise, The Shit Whisperer