#19 The Shisitor

There\'s a party in his pants
There’s nothing like a good friend.  Especially one that comes over and treats your apartment like a truck stop on the Interstate.  With a harmless “Where’s your bathroom?”, the Shisitor transforms from house guest to porcelain-pounding dump-fest. 

Sure, they brought over a six-pack of Bud Diesel, but their real gift to you is that unmistakable mix of Citrus Air Freshener and baby shit hovering in the air.  Who are they kidding with that?  We all can still smell the shit.  

But that is exactly what they want — to mark their territory. They’ve heard the expression “dump out before you go out”, and frankly, they don’t like it. They wipe their ass with that expression. Some are even so bold as to brag after they desecrate your personal space:

“You may want to give that a minute”,  “Ho Hoo!  That was a loose one!”, or “Do you have a plunger?”

Excuse Me, Where\'s your bathroom?Thus is the creedo of the Shititor.  Treat every place you visit like you were a vagrant at McDonalds.  Hold nothing back.  After all, you are a guest and you should make yourself at home.  Hell, clog a couple toilets while your at it.

You may find it hard to approach the Shisitor, as there’s nothing more awkward than initiating the “I’d appreciate it if you could unload that somewhere else” conversation. It’s just like having the “wrap your pecker in a rubber” talk with your kids — only more upsetting because, unlike your kids, you don’t care about this dude.

The Shisitor will almost always be a guy, typically with an alpha-male complex.  Less frequently, they suffer from IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome).  They will often come to your parties or BBQs under the guise of freindship, hanging out for hours before treating your toilet bowl like Hiroshima.

If this person is truly a good friend, you can seek revenge by going to their apartment and raising the stakes — by Upper Deckering their toilet.  

Who’s the Shistor now?
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Also Known As: The “Shit In Your House” Guy, The Port-O-Pal, That Guy, The Smellers‘ Cousin, The Girl Disperser, The Air Toxicator, The BYOStench Dude

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2 Comments

Filed under awful, douche, food, friends, IdiotPantsParty, stink

2 responses to “#19 The Shisitor

  1. dp

    I’m glad I wasn’t reemed for the gallons of puke I left in your toilet Friday night. I think I cleaned up well.

  2. James,

    I apologize for being a shisitor when I visited your house in January…its an affliction I was born with…my poop stinks….its science. Look on the bright side though…the smell did go away (I hope) and u did get a mean picture of me simultaneously pooping and slamming a MD 20/20 at 10am. I would appreciate if you didn’t upper deck my toilet next time you come visit, but if you did, I would understand.

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