#21 The Double-Popped D-Bag

Nice look guys.  And nice armband
As if one popped collar wasn’t enough.

The Double-Popped D-Bag is a unique brand of uber-collegiate prepster, tredding that vague line between Frat Guy and Gay Guy. Sure, call them gay and they’ll beat you up with their gang of Pastel Poloites — but go to the Mall later and you’ll see them giggling and tickling each other, arms full, at Lacoste’s Semi-Annual Sale.

To simply call the Double-Popped D-Bag a “douchebag” would be shortchanging them. They are douchebags with arrogance, affluence, and an unjustified sense of confidence. You can equate the DPDB to their vegetable counterpart: the onion. Peel away all those layers of Polos, and you’re left with is a stinky herb that girls don’t like.

Theres a popped collar for every finger up his ass.They are followers by nature, as clearly, any normal person wouldn’t wake up and put two polos over one another. But their friend does it, so they do it. Yeah, it’s dumb. But give the D-Bag a choice between decision-making and a rock of cocaine, and they’ll choose the Booger Sugar every time.

The Double-Popped D-Bag’s mentality and lifestyle depends solely on three things: Cape Codders, polos, and their Father’s money. Without the latter, they couldn’t have the first two. It’s a delicate cycle — Much like “the Circle of Life” in the Lion King, except instead of Simba, it’s Steve. And he’s a prick.

You can find the Double-Popped D-Bag shopping at your local White Person Mall, bar hopping in packs of four, or fisting eachother in the basement of their Frat House. They are concentrated in and around the Long Island/New Jersey area, with certain followings scattered throughout Southern Greek Life. On special occasions, such as the Annual D-Bag Ball, they will intermingle with The Blowout, The Pencil Chinstrap, and if they’re smooth, The Fake Boob.

If you see a DPDB at a party, tell them their polo’s unbuttoned. While they’re searching for which Polo, duff them out, pop your collar, and mack it to their girlfriend. Now that, my friend, is called justice.
________
Also Known As: Two Polos Don’t Make a Right, The Layered Lacoste Guy, The Stay-Popped Marshmallow Man, Twice the Douche, The Polo Express, The American Nesting Doll

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2 Comments

Filed under booze, clothes, douche, guidos, long island, new jersey, rich people

2 responses to “#21 The Double-Popped D-Bag

  1. SonnyD

    this is hilarious. great job IPP!

  2. Emmasama

    I never knew these existed.
    I’m shocked. lol

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