#30 The “I Bet She’s Crazy In The Sack”

There’s a saying in the male community: “If she scares your head, she’s good in bed”. In other words, if she’s crazy enough to scare the shit out of you, she can probably rip your Johnson off when you unleash her sexuality.

The “I Bet She’s Good In Bed” is most known for that signature crazed look in her eye. You’ve seen her dancing on bars, violently screaming out the lyrics to “Living on a Prayer”, and/or punching her boyfriend in the face. She’s not afraid to be the center of attention, and she’s certainly not afraid of you.

Her key personality traits: aggression and bitchiness. She’d rather tell you to “f**k off” than answer that stupid question you asked. And she’d also like you to buy her a drink. Like now.

If your relationship with the IBSCITS (pronounced “I-Biscuits” for short) does progress into the bedroom, there are several things you should be prepared for:

1. Talking dirty. She’ll demand that you talk nasty to her, and believe me, she’ll say some shit that will make you uncomfortable. But make sure you steer away from calling her a “whore” or any variances of this. This term will turn wild sex into a violent scene from Clockwork Orange.

2. Aggressive and constant sex. She’ll let you know early on that she wears the pants. And you wear the skirt. The sex may be great, but once it’s over, she’ll want it again. Only harder this time. What are you, a pussy? And after that, again. While the IBSCITS does possess nympho traits, it will loose it’s luster after the first chafe sets in.

3. Peripheral Scariness. This could be anything the IBSGITS has in her crazy bag — from mentioning her father during sex to the ever-terrifying “Eyes Open Coitus”, where she’ll stare at you the whole time, wide-eyed and unblinking.

I like to watch you sleep.

I like to watch you sleep.

Now, I must warn you upfront: Just because she’s crazy, doesn’t mean she’s good in the sack. In fact, if your first instinct is “bitch is crazy”, then follow that instinct. Try not to think with your little head.

Most relationships with the IBSCITS typically end in two fashions: Abruptly. Or, more commonly, by the IBSCITS becoming attached, and progressively clingy, until said male breaks it off and fears for his life. After all, bitch is crazy.

If you see an “I Bet She’s Crazy In The Sack”, your best move is to point your friend in her direction. Let him take the bullet, and enjoy the phone call the next morning — The one where he calls in tears, saying she gave him a hickey the size of a walnut on his forehead; and he has no idea how to cover it up for his job interview that afternoon. This is where you say, “Ahh, they won’t notice.”
Also Known As: What Lies Beneath, Crazy Train, The Firey-Eyed Seductress, That Crazy Bitch, Was It Worth It?, Sleeping Beauty, Your Future Ex-Wife


1 Comment

Filed under body, freak, friends, sex

One response to “#30 The “I Bet She’s Crazy In The Sack”

  1. Doc Gooden

    These women are best! Especially when you raw dog it because they’re the most open to abortion. Sure it drives them further into the funnel of crazy, but no kids to worry about AND your sperm gets to touch vaginal walls!

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