#49 The Facebook Parent

Mom.  Not Cool.

Mom. Not Cool.

There’s only one thing worse than social networking, and that’s social networking when you’re old. It’s enough that every person I’ve ever been aquatinted with can now view pictures of me and write on my “wall” — but the day that Mom and Dad enter this equation….I’m about ready to give up on the internet.

There was once a time when moving out of the house meant you were a grown adult, capable of leading your own independent life. But thanks to the Facebook Parent, your life has become their wallpaper.


And why not. They only have three friends total. You, your sister, and that dude Steve that lives down the block. And Steve’s a dick.

The Facebook Parent is the over-intrusive, “Jewish Mother” of the internet. They are invasive and overbearing, but through the help of countless Friendster sites, are able to view your private details with very little snooping around. They used to have to ransack your room for no-nos when you went off to summer camp, but thanks to your stoner buddy, she can now see you holding a joint in your recently tagged pictures.

The Facebook Parent can be found in increasing numbers across the internet — their uncomfortable presence gaining momentum due to Facebook’s exponential “laming” process. You’ll find the FP concentrated largely in suburbia, and generally of the Mom (female) variety. Dad’s will more frequently use their previledge as FP to scour their son/daughter’s Friends for “hot chicks” and reminisce about the days when he used to get pussy.

But all is not lost, young Facebook apprentice. Thankfully, there is still a large facet of Parents that don’t know how to turn on the computer. Pray that your Parent is one of them. And if worst comes to worst, you can do what I did: Declining your Mom’s friend invite. Look Mom, I didn’t want it to have to come down to this, but you forced my hand. We are family, not friends. And I don’t want you writing on any of my walls.
Also Known As: Myspace Mom, Jewish Mother 2.0, We’re Friends AND Family, Inspector Parent, The Worst Thing Ever, The Facebook Flaw



Filed under annoying people, family, friends, internet, old people, parents

2 responses to “#49 The Facebook Parent

  1. I definitely feel you on this one. My mom is my FB friend [I denied her friend request once and she threw a hissy fit] and I’m away at college so sometimes I have to be really careful about everything I recount with friends. Especially since she’s friends with some of my friends too. Including my boyfriend. And she comments on everything! She comments on all my friends statuses…she gave Jeremy [bf] health advice and makes jokes with one of my exes about being gay. It’s way weird. It’s gotten to the point where my aunt and uncle both have profiles. I can’t handle it, and it makes me want to pull my hair out. Sorry this turned into a rant. But as you can tell…I agree. Haha.

  2. You may be unaware of this but the FBI are conspiracy theorists. SHHH. Don’t let anyone know – but that is their job. And, the cop in the dough nut shop — you may be a part of one of his theories. If they look too closely they may actually find conspirators — the CIA assets — wait, there’s one now walking her dog.
    Actually the whole paranoid USA is jam packed with conspiracy theorists – all going different directions. Who knows? Have you been to New York? Maybe 9/11 didn’t happen. Don’t lie to me now!

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