#52 The Chico Stash

This mustache ruined my career!

This mustache ruined my career!

If you’ve ever noticed a man with a mustache so thin — so utterly disgusting and ratty — that you gagged and/or vomited on the spot, this is most likely the stylish workings of the Chico Stash.

The notoriously grotesque Chico Stash was originally made popular by Ralph Macchio in “My Cousin Vinny” (see above), but since has spread like herpes across a wide demographic of socially inept males. The most prevalent of these facets is within the Latino and Mexican tribes, as this smattering of loose facial hair is seen as a point of pride. You may also notice African American youths have incorporated the Chico Stash (or simply “the C-mo“) into their bag of tricks, with the neccessary accessory being a straight-brimmed hat with the sticker still on it.

Chico StashNow, it is vital to point out that the Chico Stash is also hugely popular with prebuescent boys, as these scattered brown-and-curlys on their upper lip projects a clear message to all the ladies in the room: “yeah bitches, my balls are mid-drop”. And to these sprouting youths, I wish an honest congratulations. (now seriously, shave that goddamn thing off your face).

The Chico Stash can be found almost anywhere in the country, although border towns with Mexico will find a disproportionate C-mo population. The CS will most likely be combined with: [if Mexican] a button-down shirt, with only the top button fastened; [if Latino] Chico Sideburns (aka the Toothpick Burns) that thinly wander down the side of the face; or [if a prepubescent boy] semen stains on their pants.

In rare instances, the Chico Stash may be found on a woman (this is known as “the Chica Stash”). Such women are typically homely and unkempt. Many Chicas also enjoy the habit of wearing bathing suits with a solid portion of pubic hair sneaking out from under the cloth. This is known as “disgusting”.

For those that are confused, there IS a difference between the notorious “Dirty Sanchez” mustache and that of the Chico Stash — namely the presence, or lack of, feces. Typically, men who like Chico Stashes are also huge fans of sodomy, so it may actually be a combination of both.

If you see Chico Stash, try not to vomit. Remain calm and keep eye contact on the ground. If you, or one of your loved ones, start to grow their own Chico Stash, do not panic. There is help. Have them call “the No-Mo Chico Hotline” at 1-800-822-6235. And may god have mercy on their upper lip.
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Also Known As: The Statutory Stash, Dirty Upper Lip, The C-mo, Public Pubes, The Rat Tail, Baby’s First Mustache, The Macchio Mistake
Related: The Pencil Chinstap

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2 Comments

Filed under douche, face, haircuts, idiot accessories, los angeles, mustache, trashy

2 responses to “#52 The Chico Stash

  1. Ha-ha, very witty. Some of the funniest stuff I’ve read in a while. Nice post!
    ~J-Ri (http://www.j-ri.com)

  2. Stephane

    pubic hair sneaking out from under the cloth. This is known as “disgusting”.

    Also known as “Parsley sticking out of the grocery bag”

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