#56 The Drunk Girl Horror Show

She just needs someone to talk to.

She just needs someone to talk to.

Wow, this chick’s kinda hot. She says she’s Jill’s best friend from college…huh, I wonder why I’ve never met her before? Damn, she’s chugging that vodka like a champ!! Wait, she keeps giving me that firey-eyed look…What the hell is that? Maybe she likes me?? Maybe I’m gonna score!!!

And thats when you realize that you’ve unwittingly just been invited to the Drunk Girl Horror Show. Cancel any plans you had, and tuck those horny dreams away for the night, because all you’re getting is an earful of shitty stories, and a face-full of tears.

Have a few drinks with her, and you’ll soon find out everything. Everything. Stuff you didn’t want to know, and stuff you shouldn’t know. Keep an ear out for her endless stories about her ex-boyfriend, her terrible fight with anorexia, and if you’re lucky, you might even get the “I was raped” roller-coaster ride. Oh, you just wanted to have a chill night? Well, fuck that — you’re getting a rape story, and you better fucking be there to support her.

Drunk Girl Horror 2Forget the fact that you don’t even know her. She’s all yours tonight. In fact, be ready to be her shoulder to cry on, as well as the shoulder to put her miserable weight on all night. Be warned, after midnight, she surrenders the use of her legs, and will need to be carried around. And if you’re lucky, she’ll cap the night off with a fresh vomit on your couch. It’s a lot of fun, especially since you just met her four hours ago.

You can find the Drunk Girl Horror Show at any bar, club, or place where alcohol is served without a psychiatric test. However, you should be particularly wary of the “friend of a friend”. If you’ve never met her before, there’s probably a good reason why. Other girls can’t stand DGHS either, and will typically only hang out with them when the Horror Show is particularly needy and “just wants a girls night”. This is a horrible situation to be involved in.

But there are warning signs. Typically, the DGHS will begins with stories of her Ex-Boyfriend or will chug massive quantities of alcohol in disproportionate time. If you say, “Wow, how did she drink all that??”, get out as quickly as you can. The show has already begun…
Also Known As: Beer Tears, The Drunk Succubus, I Thought You Said “Ape”, Close Talker, Buzz Killington, I’ll Never Drink Again



Filed under annoying people, awful, booze, college, friends

6 responses to “#56 The Drunk Girl Horror Show

  1. lol.

    What’s even better than this is the boy-version. He’ll buy you drinks all night if you sit next to him. He’ll talk about his ex or his father or his boss or all three if you are really lucky. You take him home out of pity and the promise that he has a good body because he’s got muscles or he doesn’t want to go home to his apt where he still lives with his gf because they have a lease.

    Then he turns into the guy who just wants to cuddle and then smokes all your weed/pukes and passes out on your couch after quizzing you about “Why did she do that?”. Or else he’ll have sex, last five minutes and stare into space/pass out/eat all your food.

  2. TastTT

    oh man, too true. haha

  3. Great post!

    Found this blog through StumbleUpon, and love it so far. Going to have to link to it!

    Keep up the good work!

  4. Tom

    hahaha, classic! there are loads of them around, aren’t there? glad i’m not single anymore!



  5. Haha!
    Funny post man..

    Love it!

  6. Brendan Salt

    Absolutely Great!

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