#57 The Non-Tribal Tribesmen

African Tribal Lady, meet White Male From Milwaukee

Keta from the Anlo-Ewe Tribe, meet Mike From Milwaukee

There was once a time where you had to take a safari to a remote village in Africa to view what is known by anthropologists as “distending discs”, or in simple Americana: “that shit that you put in your skin to make it stretched out”.

But thanks to the popularity of anti-depressants, skateboarding culture, and Chris Angel, we now have the pleasure of seeing these Non-Tribal Tribesman right on our city block. That dude with an ear gauge the size of a fist in both of his ear lobes sure is cool! And check out the chick with metal staples in her cheeks!! Bring that sexy back, sista!

Extra napkin ring

Extra napkin ring

These “Inverse Earings” have become quite the rage, despite the fact that they make the hole in your ear bigger and bigger, as opposed to say, staying the same and hanging pretty things off of it. Forget the fact that in 10 years, your earlobes might look like a sleeve of a wizard. Much like the Fake Boob, it’s all about the now. And how!

And I’m all for it. Many people have made jokes about having sex with a person’s ear. To the Tribesman, this is a plausible reality. That gauging hole in their ear is yet another orifice to call your own. Make it yours. Need an extra napkin ring? Done. Just borrow their ear-ring, and return it after your done.

It is important to point out that despite their name, the Tribesmen can be both male and female. And also even those hermy-looking peeps that fit somewhere between. Regardless of gender, many of them have noted that the children’s song “Do Your Ears Hang Low” was a super-cool song when they were kids.

The Non-Tribal Tribesman can be found in anywhere, although large populations have sprung up in the Los Angeles, San Diego, and New York City areas. Contrary to their African precursors, the Tribesman is more likely to be found in a densely populated area. As this allows them to find more Tribesman, with whom they play “Who can make their hole the biggest?” The person that looses has to eat the ookie cookie.
Also Known As: Poppa Piercing, Ear Vagina, Dumbo, The Ear Plug Fug, Earrings 2.0, The Foot Fist Way, Windsock Willy



Filed under body, idiot accessories, piercing, tattoo

19 responses to “#57 The Non-Tribal Tribesmen

  1. josho

    No no no, he said “idiocity”.

    If he HAD said “idiocy”, or bothered to read a dictionary, or bothered to use a spellchecker, he would have known better.

    The irony of all of this being – maybe the author should write a bio, post it as his next entry, and stop posting. He’d have summed it all up for everyone right there.

    Pot, meet kettle.

  2. Kat

    Oh, so you only keep positive comments now do you?

    Wonderful journalism.

    Everybody praise the genius who wrote the article! He is Godlike!

    Oh my GAWD lets all go out and get manicures and wear pink and flash our crotches to get into newspapers, then we’d be awesome like him too!

  3. haha good post. who invited Debbie Downer above?

  4. I hear ya! I just never “got” why the hell white people would do this crap. Guess like everyone’s lookin’ at surgery in another–forget 10 years, I’ll bet they get sick of this shit after a few years!!

  5. piercedconsumer

    Not everyone wants to look the same as everyone else, and piercing is a lot more fun and less invasive than plastic surgery or orthodontics meant to conform to society’s “norms.”

    All people decorate and alter their bodies. All people. Everywhere. Get off your high horse and try appreciating people’s curiosity, inventiveness, and creativity, instead of putting them down.

  6. KittyNJ

    My oh my what a sad life you live! You are sorely lacking in a halfway decent education as well as a spellchecker and any sense of diversity.

    Perhaps opening a book would allow you some insight into the world of “non-tribal tribal” folk? It has been a practice for thousands of years (unlike fake nails and texting). Some do it for religious beliefs your ignorant sod and others do it for spiritual reasoning and some just plain like the aesthetics of it. I don’t like tight jeans on men…I guess I should blog about it.

    Also, STRETCHING is again a very personal practice – sure there are some kids that do it to be cool, but millions of people do millions of poser things every day.

    Please educate yourself on a subject before you make a public notice that tells how vastly uninformed you truly are about the world around you.

    And to the commenter about white people – go back to your sheets and rally because you are no better.

    Deletion of my comment will only warrant repeated postings so go ahead.

  7. Athena

    Haha….you are a dumbass.

    *waits for a bus to hit you and rid the world of idiots one at a time*

  8. Lol!

    I can’t figure out why Justine up there ^^ is talking shit about white people but she looks like she is trying to be black with her nappy dreads. She looks more like that fat boy on “Waiting” that smokes pot behind the dumpster while trying to be thug than a chick…

  9. scribbles

    Somebody has a sandy ear vagina… Did this get posted on a piercing blog or do sensitive people with piercings patrol for stuff like this all day?? I’ve never seen one of your posts catch so much flack. It’s a joke site people. From his about page…

    “Nobody’s perfect. Even the authors fall victim to some of this stupidity. But it is a funny science, nonetheless. After all, if you can’t laugh about yourself, then you’re just a dick.”

  10. Kat

    See, there’s a difference between being funny and being a biggot.

    If this was a blog aimed at the colour of someone’s skin or the origin of their race then I’m sure you would all feel differently…

    But hey, if you’re telling me it’s okay to blog about stereotypes and people who are different then let’s start up a blog making jokes about black people being stupid and inferior to whites, about Latina people all being gangsters, that white people are all nerds, about Indian culture and arranged marriages, Chinese people and fast food resteraunts!

    Cause hey, so long as it’s (supposed to be) funny it doesn’t matter if it’s an offensive and utterly wrong generalisation!

    You can be funny without being degrading towards other people.

  11. Kat

    Oh and yes, a member of a forum found this link while searching for blogs about piercings, not negative ones, just in general.

  12. Just passing by.Btw, your website have great content!

    Making Money $150 An Hour

  13. Thanks for the traffic to the blog, commenters!! So what does the ear end up looking like after the surgery to close up the stretched hole??

  14. Melissa

    Look it up dumbass

  15. scribbles


    What the hell are you talking about? The post is making fun of people that stretch out their ears (a personal choice) and not the color of peoples skin. It’s also focusing on people that do it for fashion reasons and not calling out people that live in these cultures. I saw a lot more bigotry in your comment than I’ve ever seen on this site. You should probably start up that blog you were talking about and let that shit out…

  16. I was just now googling around about this when I came by your post. I’m simply dropping by to say that I really enjoyed seeing this post, it is very clear and well written. Are you considering blogging more on this? It seems like there’s more depth here for later posts.

  17. DMILLS

    Haha, I agree w/ scribbles. Kat shut the hell up, no one wants to hear your overly “PC” BS about pierced ears. This has nothing to do w/ race so don’t even try to make it about that. I don’t get why so many people have to be haters all the time on the internet. This site is hilarious and whether or not your sensitive little ears want to believe me or not, it’s based (to some degree) on real life people, so don’t try to speak on everyone’s behalf and ruin people’s good time. You’re not “educating” anyone, you just sound dumb.

    To the creator: this site is awesome, and I can’t wait for more entries. I posted a note on facebook which compared my friends to these groups and no one got all pissy like those chicks up there. and one of my friends is a “hipster” w/ very big guages in his ears.

  18. ste

    piercedconsumer – do da world a favor and go play on da freeway you fuckin tard!!!

  19. Melissa

    Hey Ste….If you have nothing constuctive to add, shut the fuck up.

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