#65 The Meathead With The Small Dog

Sometimes my Master and I play <em>Hide In The Colon!</em>

Sometimes he let's me play Hide In The Hot Dog!

We’ve all seen the swoll meathead out in public, usually devouring a high protein lunch, peppering his egg white omelet with several grunts and elbows propped awkwardly on the table. If his veiny-arm lumps weren’t enough to scare your kids, he’s now raised the ante — he’s purchased a rat and put a dog collar on it. Ahhh yeah…The Meathead with the Small Dog. His name says it all: a muscular goon with a quaint canine pet, usually in the form of a chihuahua, dachshund, or Yorkshire terrier. Either way, it’s a POS dog associated with stupid spoiled whores and Coach bags.

This walking hard-on’s entire life revolves around 3 daily chores: whey protein shakes, a 3-hour gym visit (plus 1 hour for looking at himself in the mirror), and walking his miniature dog. Where he finds the time to blow other men is a mystery to me.

BigGuySmallDogWhen purchasing a pet dog, most grown men follow the simple “Rule of Dog Kindness”: if you can kill your dog by accidentally stepping on it, then you don’t buy that dog. In other words, if you come home drunk at 3am and your stumbling to hit the light switch, maybe you mistakenly step on your dog’s paw — if your dog would die from such injuries, save the poor animals life. Don’t buy it. Don’t be a dick. Look at the size of your foot, if it’s bigger than your dogs head, this is a bad equation. Plus, that dog looks gay.

But alas, this is not a relevant factor with the Chiwawa-Meathead. He works out at the gym, defining his abs and glutes, right before strolling down the street with his puny pure bred (Editor’s Note: his dog’s probably named Ab or Glute). Both his workout regiment and his attention to his house pet are a tad bit on the aggressive side, and it should be noted there’s nothing more freakish than watching a 5’3” steroid in spandex shorts French kiss his Yorky at a sidewalk café.

Perhaps most intriguing, however, is that with all that buldging muscle and manly-manness asserted by the Meathead, he is virtually unaware of the latent homosexuality associated with his two favorite activities: lifting weights and feeding his Mr. Kittles a piece of his crepe. The act of being around a bunch of sweaty dudes, all groaning and moaning within the confines of heavy steel and cables, correlates well with sitting on a suede ottoman and letting Mr. Kittles lick your lips; both are the standard opening scenes to a mid-90s gay porno flick. And for all you germaphobes out there, sure Mr. Kittles just licked his hairy anus before licking Meathead, but in all fairness, Meathead has definitely tasted a hairy anus in the past. This is not a strange new world to Meathead. This is Friday nights at The Abbey.

Meathead and Small Dog can be found anywhere there are outdoor activities, weights, and lots and lots of hand jobs (mainly Los Angeles, Miami, and San Francisco). It’s not hard to spot this guy, even if he happens to be driving. Just look for the VW Beetle with the “I love my pets…and my pecks” bumper sticker.

By Scott Glockholder
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Also Know As: Turner and Mook, Black Rob’s Small Dog, Butt-Pirate and the Beast, Bitch and Bitches, Hot Dog and Donut Puncher, Paris Hilton, The Salad Tossers, BALCO & Alpo, Both Receivers of Doggy-Style Sex
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14 Comments

Filed under animals, annoying people, beach, body, guidos, gym, idiot accessories

14 responses to “#65 The Meathead With The Small Dog

  1. Thats a pretty funny post, I have never seen any such blokes with little dogs before.

  2. In the real world, some people adopt rather than buy dogs…Just a different rule of kindness than yours.

  3. Tegan McRae

    You are hilarious-I love that this blog exists. Please never stop!

    http://thesangfroid.wordpress.com

  4. hey join this website http://buzzlyf.com add your blog to groups and get new users visits to your website, social networking with blogging..in your hand now..

  5. Great!!!I never saw that dog!!!

  6. Groz

    Not to be a spelling nazi but god damn, try running it through a spell-checker.

  7. Brian

    It makes him feel like a giant, who are we to deprive him of that. If you look closely you can see them making huge crashing sounds as the plant their feet to the ground in slow motion.

  8. Ethan

    Wow, blatant homophobia and sexism. Fantastic.

  9. Juliette

    In most cases, that guy is trying to get passing ladies to go “Oh! How cute!” I’m going to be the girl who crosses the road to avoid this attention whore. Poor…rodent on a leash.

  10. This stuff always cracks me up. The idea that these guys spend so much time building a persona only to undo it by having that tiny dog is hilarious.

  11. Heathcliff

    Stuff white people like?

  12. Alan Delone

    “This is a humorous blog”

    When?

  13. tkarengold

    I liked your blog until I read this post. Small dogs are not rats with leashes. You are stupid.

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