Tag Archives: comedian

#12 The Blatant Joke T-Shirt Guy

I got a small weiner
The most recent trend in the slipping of white guys comes in the form of their wardrobe — more specifically, the t-shirt. Like a billboard selling books to the illiterate, the Blatant Joke T-shirt Guy will print his stupidity front and center, for all to see.

The Blatant T-shirt Guy is the ultimate cheat in the game of hitting on women. Much like a cokehead, they use outside resources in order to socially function. They disregard all wit or thought, putting their faith solely in the hands of a cotton XL. Such insecurity and heavy reliance on fashion should correlate solely to women, not to men. We’ll stick to buying drinks and quoting Anchorman.

Likethe Emo Kid, the Blatant T-shirt Guy gets no respect. I mean, has anyone respected comedians Gallagher or Carrot Top? Absolutely not. They’re the butt of many jokes, not because of their freakish mutant appearance but because they’re prop comedians. Plain and simple. They rely on a treasure chest of stuffed animals and toys rather than their own creativity.

Jesus doesn\'t like that shirtAnd this is no different from the Blatant Joke T-Shirt Guy. He too garners attention through obvious jokes and a lack of originality. Except instead of tie with a bow on it (get it? Tae-Bo!), he has a t-shirt that says “Chick Magnet“. In romantic terms, the T-shirt Guy is a less-shady date rapist — only the GHB is substituted for Urban Outfitters.

Any smart female should see through this facade and understand that “The Man/The Legend” (above) is wearing his personality on his sleeve, or in this case, his chest. If he’s going to wear that shirt, he should be holding a sign that says, “I’m a Bitchass,” as this would be more fitting, and frankly, would make everyone happier.

You can find the Blatant Joke T-Shirt Guy all over the nation, gaining acceptance in Middle America before introducing his horrid existence to the rest of the country (not unlike Jason Mraz). In recent years, this sub-sect of suburbia has received an excessive amount of press due to their mascot, goofy bastard extraordinaire, Ashton Kutcher. Suffice to say, white people were much better off when Footloose was released in movie theatres.

By Scott Glock-Holder
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Also Known As: The Tarded T, The Clothing Comic, Guy Wonderbread, The “Please Lay Me” Virgin, The “I Bought My Individuality On Clearance” Guy

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Filed under advertising, awful, clothes, comedian, douche

#6 The Carlos Mencia

Mind of Doody
The Carlos Mencia is the Grim Reaper of joketelling. He is to comedy what WalMart is to quality merhcandise. Always shitty. Like a Ghost of Comedians Past, The Carlos Mencia will steal jokes you once loved and rehash them into some generic “Beaner” garbage.

The Carlos Mencia does not need to be a stand-up comedian. You’ll know him as the Guy that shows up at parties, uninvited, with an sack full of dogshit jokes. The same ones you heard last week and the week before that. Sterotypical knee-slappers such as:

“Oohh, look at that truck. I bet you could fit 12 Beaners in there!” and “If a Mexican was President, we’d all have seistas!!”

The jokes are always the same, often peppered with menial catch-phrases and yelling. It’s “comedy” that’ll make you gauge your eyes out. Yet, the Carlos Mencia lacks all self-awarness. Despite the obvious displeasure of those around, his loud mouth will continue to run.

And though you may try to ignore him – to make it blatantly clear that his comedic shtick is unpleasant — he will not stop. As long as there is air in the room to breath and energy to siphon out, he won’t go away.

Based off of the intolerable Carlos Mencia of Comedy Central “fame”, this buzzkill will continue to haunt your life long after you’ve forgotten about him. You may go months without seeing him, but as soon as you let your guard down, The Carlos Mencia will reappear. With a fresh set of material from 1988.

Overexposure to the Carlos Mencia often causes a momentary loss of faith in god, as the recipient wonders, “Why me?”. The constant retelling of old jokes may cause feelings of amnesia and dizziness, and too much Mencia can trigger the sensation of “being in hell”.

Although it is particularly effective, the Carlos Mencia doesn’t have to be of the Mexican decent. In fact, they most likely will be of a heritage entirely different from the one they tell racial jokes about. Just like the real Carlos Mencia. All they really need is an unjustified sense of comedic confidence and a knack for being annoying. Really, really annoying.
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Also Known As: Stale Tortillas, That Bad Joke Guy, The Broken Record, Refried Beans, Buzz Killington, The Ghost of Good Jokes Past

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Filed under awful, comedian, douche, entertainment