Tag Archives: moron

#63 The Shitter Graffiti Artist

Picasso would be proud

Picasso would be proud

Most people think of public restrooms as a “last resort shit depository” — the filthy, regrettable step between pooping one’s pants and playing the “How Long Can I Hold It” Game. It’s a place where homeless people go to have sex and where the walls inexplicably are covered in a doody sprinkles. Simply put, it’s the worst.

But to the Shitter Graffitti Artist, this is art school. That toilet seat is a beautiful blank canvas — a brownish-yellow stained platform through which they can truly express themselves. That’s not just a plastic ass-holder, it’s a circular shrine to artistic integrity.

Sure, it’s regularly urinated on. But that doesn’t matter. Urine and feces don’t phase the SGA — the feed off of it. In fact, that toilet is surrounded on four sides by walls which could have just as easily been graffitied. But no! They chose the toilet seat itself — the throne, the porcelain palace. This is where the SGA shines.

After all, what speaks louder than carving your name into where people put their colon? If you answered “nothing”, then you’re starting to understand. It’s about respect, recognition. That carving technique they learned in Shawshank State Penitentiary can finally reach the wide audience they dreamed about while sharpening shivs on Cell Block E. It’s finally happening for them.

idiotsNow, I should pause to clarify. The Shitter Graffitti Artist is not to be confused with the equally mindless Toilet Seat Decorator (seen on the right). The main difference between these two fecalfeliacs is that the Toilet Seat Decorator spends hours upon hours gluing seashells or other “quaint” objects to toilet seats, while the Shitter Graffiti Artist spends a few panicked seconds carving “RALFIE” onto a piss-stained restroom. Other than that, the two are quite similar — both share what scientists have identified as the I.D.I.O.T. Gene (or in medical terminology, the “I Decorate Insanity On Toilets” Gene).

The SAG is largely of the male persuasion, as women have an intense fear of toilet seats (hence, the development of “the squat”). It is also more prevalent among males who are not incredibly sexually active, as if they were, they’d spend their time talking to women instead of touching public toilets. The SAG can be found in most truck stops and bars around the country, generally concentrated in areas where the aforementioned “vagina” is lacking.
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Also Known As: The Mona Loser, The Restroom Renaissance Man, Doodyfingers, What Germs?, The Toilet Seat Smithsonian, Port-O-Painter, You Should Really Get A Hobby, Picasso’s Plumber

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Welcome to Idiot Pants Party!

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Welcome to the most comprehensive gathering of people being idiots on the internet.  

I have always been fascinated by stupid people.  Even as a young lad, I would ask my parents “why is that man wearing a mesh t-shirt?” or “why does that woman have the number 69 shaved in the side of her head?”

Needless to say, that youthful interest has only developed over the years.  And with the invent of the internet, the ability to see idiots and morons in their natural habitat has become exponentially easier.  And thanks to digital cameras and video equipment, the evidence of people’s idiocity has become tangible.  In fact, my inbox is filled with it.

And with this exposure, comes an ever-increasing landslide of questions. Why? Who are these people? What makes them who they are? Why do people document themselves doing these stupid, incriminating things?  If they didn’t want us to point and laugh, why on earth would they have taken that picture?  

These questions, among many other things, is what this blog aims to uncover.  So check your email, because you’ve just been invited to the most moronic, brainless party on the planet.

The Idiot Pants Party.  

(Tuxedo Tshirts welcome)

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