Tag Archives: sign

#9 The Sign Holder

Yeah, you hold that sign
Ever drive by someone on the street and say, “Man, at least my job doesn’t suck that much”.  Most likely, you are talking about the Sign Holder.  They are the obtrusive cross-breed between worker and loiterer — the street-dwelling prostitutes of the advertising world. All they need is a busy corner, a large pointed sign, and a menial paycheck — and they’re set.

The Sign Holder specializes in the pandering of useless products to unsuspecting passerbys. Window tinting, cell phone sales, Quizno’s subs…if it’s a product that won’t sell itself, it’s sign worthy.

Perhaps the most notable characteristic of the Sign Holder is their willingness to be publicly shamed. You will often see them dressed up in ridiculous costumes such as Superman or the Statue of Liberty. It’s a bold move meant to attract attention, but in reality, it’s just a degrading monkeysuit.

Nice outfit buddyAnd talk about job security. Nothing says “irreplaceable” like the ability to have your job made obsolete by a hammer and a nail.

Contrary to what you may expect, however, the Sign Holder is often not an illegal immigrant.  They are generally just people that are too lazy to find a real job (with the occasional crackhead sprinkled in).

Yet, this lack of ambition disappears once the Sign Holder has their sign in hand. This is where they shine. They’ll twirl, spin, flip, and toss that sign in the air.  They’ll do a dance, they’ll point at you, and, if they have to, they’ll doody in their pants. Whatever it takes to make you notice.

You can find the Sign Holder on street corners, outside of tax offices, and occasionally, giving hand jobs for crack.   Sure, they’re getting paid. But who cares? Anyone that hangs out on a street corner for more than 6 hours with a sign is a bum.
Also Known As: The New Sandwichboard, Hobo Got Job, The Sign Twirler, All Signs Point To Douche, A Telephone Pole With A Pulse



Filed under advertising, awful, prostitute, work