Tag Archives: sushi

#13 The Sushi Snob

You can eat it, but never enjoy it
There’s nothing like dropping $140 on dinner, only to be told “there’s a better place by my house”.  Much like the raw fish they so fervently protect, the Sushi Snob is a smelly, arrogant vagina that may make you sick to your stomach.

They are an unwanted conosuerre of the dining world, a pompous and brutally-picky purveyor of all things sushi.  You may have thought you were just going out to dinner, but no — you are actually being judged. Every bite of spicy tuna brings with it the guilt and judgement of a Jewish mother.  Sure it tastes good, but it could be so much better.

I\'m a douchebag!The Sushi Snob feeds off of their own self-importance. They need to be the only person in the know. And they won’t be outdone.

First, they’ll ask if you’ve heard of “their” sushi restaurant. Then, they’ll roll their eyes and say “oh, of course you haven’t”. This is key. They will always try to make you feel ignorant and useless. Forget the fact that “their place” is an out-of-the way, hole-in-the-wall spot that no one has ever been to. You’re an uncultured dick for not knowing about it.

Eating with the Sushi Snob is one of the most unpleasant experiences known to man. If they’re not smugly pushing around their sushi with chopsticks, they’re talking about how there’s “too many white people at this place”. It’s very important to them to not eat sushi around Caucasians. It cheapens the experience.

If you are unlucky enough to go with the Sushi Snob to “their” spot, be prepared to answer all of these questions:

“Isn’t this just amazing?!”
“Oh, mmmm! Isn’t this like god wrapped in rice?”
“Wow. How much better is this than that place you took me to?”

You can find the Sushi Snob concentrated in New York City and Los Angeles — the more disposable income, the bigger their snobbery. The Sushi Snob will more than likely be the whitest person you know. If you suspect you friend or coworker is a sushi snob, and they want to go out to eat, suggest another food. Eating sushi with them is like shitting in your laundry basket. You know it’s stupid, so why would you do it?
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Also Known As: Whitey McSnobshi, The Riceroll Nazi, The “You Are What You Eat” Shiteater, The Chopstick C*nt, The Fish Fuhrer, Dining With Satan

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